No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
