Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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