i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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