He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
