Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
