I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
