party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
