just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
