Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
