Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
