You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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