I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
