I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Damn victory sex feels great
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
