oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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