Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
