you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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