dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
