brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
look no pants
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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