I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
