There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
