What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
