Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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