I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't think brook has ever known best
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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