sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
