just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
