Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
