Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
