'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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