but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
