We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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