i wish my penis had a tongue
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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