why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do vagina's smell?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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