I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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