dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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