Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
