Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you had me at cake vodka
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
