pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
