I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
