Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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