3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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