apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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