Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
