Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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