I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize