The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
