all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
