If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
