You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
