I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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