Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
