I look better un-naked...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
