My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
