Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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