So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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