Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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