3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You ate ashes out of my bong
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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