I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
