like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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