hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
