I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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