I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i drank out of a bidet.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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