the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize