Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
