ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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