i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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