I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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