...so i touched it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize