is your mom at the bar?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
handjob tips. give me some.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
