I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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