4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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