But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize