ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
