Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
