she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
