when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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