Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
